I have a new xanga:  softlikeabunny.   I will probably be using it in about a week.  update your subscriptions!!

I think it is safe to post this here....Paul never reads my xanga anyway.

....Paul, if you are reading, turn back now and look no further.  You will only hurt yourself.  Trust Me.

There's a surprise party for Paul Monday night at Jose's at 7:30.  Please come!  and RSVP to me (832- 628- 0317) so I can let Jose's know how many to expect.  Anyone who wants to come is welcome!

DON'T TELL PAUL

I went to the chorale rehearsal tonight.  It was a great experience to see Salamunovich work.  He is truly a master.

But it took a lot more for me to be there than even I realized.

It's kind of a humiliating situation to be in, really.  Do I sacrifice my pride to learn? For me, it's like 'Hi.  I'm the loser who didn't make chorale even though I'm a junior but I'm still gonna come in and watch you rehearse.'   It was SO HARD to go.  It's SO bad because that's still my mentality.  I really can't get over it.  I still think that your ensemble placement defines the kind of musician that you are.  I am still so crushed by that.  That's so bad, I know, but I can't get past that idea, no matter how hard I try.  I still feel like a sub- par musician.  Probably because I live in a choir where we think we can fix intonation issues by singing louder.

But I digress.  a bit.  I truly spent the entire rehearsal in a near- tears state because I wasn't on the risers with the rest of my friends singing for a great guest conductor.   Because I couldn't be in the music with them.  Because I couldn't sing Lux Aeterna or that beautiful Durufle requiem.  I have to sit on the sidelines,  where I don't think I belong.

I'm sorry to keep bringing this up.  What I really need is for someone to  give me a concrete reason for why I'm having to endure this; to tell me what lesson I can learn from it.  Because I haven't figured it out yet.  I'm not trying to be bitter.  I'm just at my wit's end on this subject.  Is there a reason?  Can anything be learned?  Is there a silver lining?  Or does it just suck, and I get to wade through this giant ocean of frustration and angst until next fall?

I really would like to hear anything you have to say about this. Anything at all.  Or just give me a hug if you see me in the hallway.  I really need it.  Thanks friends.

Hhhhhhhhok.  50 points to you if you can come up with a new xanga name for me.  Ah, what he heck, I'm good for a cup of coffee.  50 points and a cup of coffee.

Paul is so cute.  Today is six months for us, but we both have at least one test a day this week.  So, instead of a nice romantic dinner, we got to study all freakin' day.  He brought home a McDonalds feast (I LOVE the fries!) for dinner, which, actually, ended up being a nice romantic dinner.  He promised me a real nice romantic dinner next weekend.

oooooooo....SAI bake sale this wednesday!  Buy cupcakes form me and Kira.  Ours are the awesome ones.  BE FAT!  DOOOOO IIT!!!!!

Flow, flow crystal fountains;
plants, live, live;
birds, sing, sing;
flowers, shine, shine;
since Venus returns,
beautiful and graceful,
bringing the spoils
of love behind her,
so that no one can
freely say
that to live without loving
can be called living
Flow, live, sing, shine